i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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