saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
