It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
