hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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