I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
