so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
