Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
