Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
