i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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