just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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