He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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