Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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