I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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