dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
