Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
