So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize