Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
