Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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