The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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