if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
