And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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