Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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