I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
