If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
