I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
