Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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