you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
