I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
