I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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