nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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