remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i now understand why vodka
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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