just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize