Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
