Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
me + whiskey = a bad person
So vagazzling was a success
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize