I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
