Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
