During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
