In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize