I wish my penis had an off switch
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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