R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
