I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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