my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
