i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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