I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
