HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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