Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
