It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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