but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
