I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
