I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i think we sleep fucked last night...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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