Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
