I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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