It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
