Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
