I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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