Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
