He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
