On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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