the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
