one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Someone signed my nipple.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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