There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
