I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
