..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize