just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
