i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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