whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
