My liver just broke up with me...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
